so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Drake has all the answers
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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