ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
