Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
