I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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