What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
