Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We left an ass print on the piano.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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