Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
