I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
