Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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