1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
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