Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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