it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
