Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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