Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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