I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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