he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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