bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
