i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
