somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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