I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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