His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
