he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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