i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
