I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
