it was like eating out sand paper
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
