Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
