How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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