I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
