Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
