if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
