Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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