Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
