Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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