I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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