JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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