He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
