It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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