He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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