I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Randomize
