so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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