Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
