It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
