I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
