I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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