Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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