I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
