My pussy is not your playground.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
