I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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