I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
