is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
