Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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