You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
