This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i love accidental penises.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
