Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
